When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
