just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
