I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
