Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
