don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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