Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Randomize
