I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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