just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize