so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
