it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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