Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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