finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
