maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
