i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
