what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
