When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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