he thought i was a dude.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
