Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
