is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How does one acquire holy water?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
