I can tuck mytits in my pants
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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