i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
