I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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