Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I can text with my tongue
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
