So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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