these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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