My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
