Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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