I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
