Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
