so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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