Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
