What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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