I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize
