Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
