We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
