On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
did you just send me my own nude
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
