these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
