the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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