Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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