dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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