Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
