My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
