What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
