things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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