Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
