I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
