Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
