I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
And the cops told us we were all naked.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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