Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Sext me about skeletons
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
