i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
