Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize