guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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