So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
