This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize