I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just pynch a tree in the face
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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