im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
