I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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