accomplished twins. life is a go
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
