Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
