Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize