he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I cockslap morals
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
