im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
