yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
