from now on my penis is your penis
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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