Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
