is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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