careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
