hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
