our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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