I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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