so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
