He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
