My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize