I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
