didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
