So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Randomize
