yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
id be glad to
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
