I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
