9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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