Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Randomize
