Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
