There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
