and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
