how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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