At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
