Porn is love you can see.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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