The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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