let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
