I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
