Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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